thank you, nature, for pre-slicing oranges for us. You didnt have to and you did anyway and that was cool of you
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vampire: *rips my collar back to bite my neck only to find I’m wearing 12 garlic-clove necklaces*
vampire: how did you know?
me: know what?
me while sipping apple juice out of a champagne glass and looking dramatically off into the distance: i’ve had it